Hi! My name is Zoe, one of Annie’s best friends. I’m not sure if I’ve been mentioned by Annie to someone here.. I like kpop but I’m too bored to have a kpop blog of my own, so Annie has given me her password since the beggining to log in whenever I want to to just.. see stuff. I was also the one that on her 3 month hiatus that logged in some times to like stuff I knew she’d like in order for her to see, since she was rarely here that time. Well yeah, anyways, that’s me, just a short introduction to say some things that some of you who care and worry about Annie would like to know.
Annie is not well. She is becoming more and more depressed these days, she has no mood for eating, she’s not sleeping well, she rarely talks to anyone right now. It’s been some time since the last time i saw her smile. Finals really destroyed her. Annie is one of those people who always care about the other’s well being and neglects herself. In all these years I know her, through all the problems she was going through she always put them away and looked ways to free the people around her from their troubles. Some people took advantage of her for that, hence she rarely trusts people now.
We always tried to help her but she always told us she was fine. I knew Annie was suffering from insecurity and low self-esteem, but I really.. I really didn’t know it was that bad. She is really sensitive, so all the situations she was dealing with everyday, they really affected her. So when the finals came, after the last year’s hitch, she was even more nevous, stressed and over-emotional. She kept thinking what am I going to do if I fail again. We and her parents and sister tried to support her in every way we could in order for her to stop being so stressed cause it was not doing her any good. I remember calling her one day, on March and asked her “Where are you?” since we haven spoken in days.. and she said to me “To the hospital. I’m okay tho don’t worry!” and she laughed.. Her tutors where giving her a hard time and she felt too stresssed, she felt like her lungs had no longer air in them and she passed out.
She was working really hard to let that stress get away. That’s why she left tumblr these 3 months. And she was going really well. Till the weeks of the finals came. I can’t remember what happened. All i remember was her calling me crying and saying that she is gonna fail, that she can’t remember anything from what she’s studied all this year that passed. And I tried to comfort her without crying myself cause it hurt so much listening her being like this. The girl who is always smiling, who is always cheering everyone up, who was the light in so many difficult situations in my life.. was falling apart right in front of my eyes. Her parents love her so much and i remember one of the days of the finals when i was at her home, I remember her mother saying that she prefers having a heathly and happy child and not a sick high educated one. But she wasn’t listening. She was really in her own world, a world who was pushing her off the cliff.
After finals where over, after 2-3 days i started seeinf the Annie I knew, the adorkable Annie and I was so happy I wated to cry from my hapiness. But that didn’t last long. The news were saying about how the average reults are going and I think that put her in to many toughts again. And from what she’s told me, tumblr wasn’t making her happy anymore. She pretty much returned in the time when Baekhyun and Taeyeon were announced that they where dating. I remember her calling me literally screaming on top of her lungs how happy she is. That this must be the most perfect couple of all times. And I agreed wholeheartily with her, cause they truly are. But then she and I saw how tumblr was reacting, how sad most of the people were, some of them angry and bashing them. And then the Kris situation that happened before. She was sad, and all she kept seeing here was sadness and how much she was trying to oversome it she couldn’t and I undertand her.
So the finals came out. Shortly Annie is pretty much derpressed now. I’m really crying while writting this. She is not in the mood for anything, she is a mess, when we talk to her she seems like she doesn’t undestand the words she’s been told. She has thoughts of harming herself and I’ve heard her many times how much of a failure she is, how she is failing everyone and how much she wants her life to end. We are trying to help her as much as we can. She has stop crying and started eating a little. I think with small steps I will have my Annie back. I want her so much to come back , I miss her so much.
Yesterday she told me to come here and delete her tumblr. But I won’t do it. I will just change her password. I know she will reget deleting this blog cause I know she has made beautiful memories and wonderful friends. I know she will come back. I know she will. I don’t know if that will be next week (no way) or next month or.. i don’t know when. But I know she will.
I… hope she will.
To an “Anya” , Annie told me to message her. But since she hasn’t told me your username, If you are reading this she told me she will e-mail you when she can. And to remember that she will miss you.
To all the other friend Annie has made here : I saw in her inbox now that many ppl where asking her what’s going on after her last message. Please if you are reading this and you love and care about Annie, drop her a sweet message of support I know she will truly cherish them when she comes back. She feels like no one needs her, she feels like a failure.. i think a sweet message after she will feel well with herself and come here, she will really appreciate it. And i really hope her milish head will undestand how much loved she is by many people. I know whoever has been reading this till now is one of the people that cares about Annie. So lets fight together! Lets make Annie come back. lets make her happy.
She will kill me if she’ll find out what i did. The only thing she told me to do is to message Anya and delete the tumblr. But i feel like all of you needed to know. Thank you to everyone who has been there for her.